Its been a while...

...but I bring you tidings of great joy. Some bloke in merry old England decided to stuff a RD500 motor in a TZR250 chassis. I think its a fantastic idea - and I think youll agree. I usually use my kitchen for mixing drinks, burning things and washing my hair. This guy, uses his to create recipies of delectible two-stroke delight. Check out this page, I hope he updates it more frequently than I do this blog...TZR-RD500 Just click the "perspiration" link if you want to be astonished, and have a new appreciation for what you can cook up in the kitchen.

Yo Quiero - Yagiva

Are you sitting at home confused and troubled over your predicament? On one hand, you love your Cagiva Mito, lets say - your one of the true blue Americans who appreciates Cagiva cycles. You await the arrival of the Cagiva 500 Mito as if it were the coming of the messiah. Alas, you soon find that your beloved Cagiva is NOT a two-stroke road missile, but a husquevarna single equipped italian oddity. Sadness and despair quickly begin to set in - the questions race through your mind. "A single? Isnt that a incredibly simple design? Isn't there less stuff to break? Aren't they highly reliable?" The answers are all yes, and point to a extremely boring time. What you really need to do, is take that RZ350 motor you bought from your drunken friend when he crashed his Banshee into a tree --- and put it --- in your Cagiva! Its a mad scientist type experiment, and I applaud all the Dr. Frankenstiens who have taken the initiative to make this craziness happen. One company in the fervent iceland of Norway specializes in such kits, both for the 125 and 500 Mito. The kit supposedly works on all generations of Mitos and makes the fitment much, much less of a painfull affair. You must still do a wee bit of welding, but dont be afraid. Im sure you can find a welder to fit it up no problemo. Check out the mad Norweigan website for more info. Under the "products" tab is where youll find the kit. Yeah, it works on 125 Mito's too. Prepare to pollute in style, as never before.

The Bestest RG500?

I think so. I mean, come on - does your RG500 have a full carbon fiber frame, make 131 bhp, weigh 253lbs dry, and have a inverted White Power (woah - talk about a non-politically correct name for a company) suspension setup? No? Well, I dont even HAVE a RG500 - so your already cooler than me. The bike Im talking about is the Heron Suzuki XR70RV RG500. A bad mutha-shut-yo-mouth of a RG raced by Heron Suzuki of Croydon, England in 1985-1986 (one of the first suzuki importers in the UK). Their primo race maniac was Paul Lewis - an aussie bloke. Paul never really got to shoot champagne fountains at his friends, he placed a 25th in 1985, with just one point to his name in the 500 Championship. Still though, that is one point more than I will ever have. This bike just looks so fantastic with the full carbon frame and Skoal colors - a love it to pieces. Im gonna go buy some Skoal, and take a dip in the tobacco laden can of fun times. Im not doing it for myself though - Im doing it in memory of this great machine.

Oil - the Drink of Champions

Its true - whether 20:1, 50:1 or just dumping it in your oil injection system (you lucky devil) oil, is really rad and completely necessary for most all internal combustion engines. I ran across a interesting test on a ski-doo forum that was a ASTM (American Society for Testing and Materials) run down on some common 2-cycle oils. This isnt some dude with a mullet who tossed a variety of oils in his chainsaw until it exploded. No, this is far more scientific than that. It shattered my illusions regarding one of my favorite oils - and made my cry. Telling someone their favorite oil sucks is dangerous, it can lead to deadly violence or at the least, a fistacuffs. That said, heres the results:

Wear Properties of Fluid Lubricants
Falex Pin and Vee Block Method

ASTM D2670

This is a comparison of anti-wear properties of popular 2 stroke snowmobile oils. This is an American Society for Testing Materials test that is a lubricant industry standard. This particular test incorporates 500 lbs of pressure on a steel pin and vee block for duration of 3.5 hours. There is a 5-minute break-in period with a 300 pound load. The overall wear is expressed in milligrams of lost metal.

The Results were as follows

Passed (listed in order of effecitveness):
#1 BG Hi-Performance Snowmobile Oil, Part No. 784S (15.2mg lost metal)
#2 Bel-Ray MC-1 (47.8mg lost metal)
#3 Bombardier XP-SII (66.3mg lost metal)
#4 Polaris Premium Gold Synthetic (82.5mg lost metal)
#5 Artic Cat Synthetic APV (112.9mg lost metal)
#6 Redline 2-Stroke Racing Oil (144.3mg lost metal)
#7 Maxima Castor 927 (156.4mg lost metal)

These Products Failed to reach the required testing pressure of 500 pounds.
• Amsoil High Performance 2-Cycle Injector Oil
• Amsoil Series 2000 2-Cycle Racing Oil
• Artic Cat Extreme
• Bombardier Injection Oil
• Fuchs Silcolene Comp 2 Pre Mix
• Klotz Techniplate Snowmobile Oil
• Klotz Techniplate R-50 Racing Oil
• Torco GP-7 Two Stoke Racing Oil
• Yamalube 2-R Racing Oil

This Oil Failed 90 minutes into the test.
F- Motul 800 Factory Line

This Oil failed 100 minutes into the test.
F- Polaris Premium 2-Cycle

How Expansion Chambers Use the Power of Rock

Did you ever wonder how you totally got your world rocked by Poison at their concert? It was likely the cheap beer you drank, and ganja - but just maybe it was the *soundwaves* dude. Now stay with me here. The same waves that make your face hurt from standing too close to a garmongous speaker at a concert are highly important in determining a 2-strokes performance. I was not aware of this - maybe you already know these mysteries of sound. Too bad, Im going to tell you anyway. The waves that rockout of the combustion chamber actually assist in removing out spent gasses - and then sucking in clean air. Like Bob Marley attacking a doobie, a well designed chamber can actually suck more air in to the cylinder and thus *charge* it. A virtual supercharger if you will. The key is the timing that these waves occur in the exhaust. Just as if the drummer for Def Leopard was totally off - the band would have sucked. The same applies here. What controls that timing, is where, and how much the exhausts diameter is increased, decreased, or kept consistent. That's why you've got that "belly" in your exhaust. Its actually where the timing between the negative and positive waves are adjusted. The length of the chambers also effects where the powerband is - generally longer chambers are going to move the powerband to lower RPMs. Now that my head is ready to explode from all this madness. In the end, the most rockin design for your bike depends on the tune of the engine, carbs, porting, etc. Expansion chamber design is a art - best practiced by someone other than myself. Im gonna go crack a PBR and air-guitar like a superstar. Keep on smokin'.

New Header - Same Blog

Just a heads up - I didnt want to disconcert anyone by rocking the boat with a new header design for the blog. I was bored OK, tired of eating dry cereal from the box and stepping on my cat (on purpose), so I decided to do a little design work. Hope you like it - and I hope you at least find this blog entertaining, if nothing else.

Tell me - this isnt the bollocks... and Ill tell you, your full of malarky.

(Just to get you drooling - theres more pics on the site)
A pal-o-mine pointed me in the direction of this fantastic Japanese custom shop. Now, before you get all misty eyed because they aren't in the USA - relax. Use the fantastic rolling pieces of art they create as inspiration for your next money sucking, relationship straining project. The company in question is Kaminari Racing. The site is in Japanese, because they are in japan this seems logical. There are though, many pretty pictures for you to gaze upon, and you can figure the site navigation out - I know you can... your smart, and dead sexy to boot. Just look at the care and craftsmanship (not to mention the parts) on this redeux of the "widow-maker" H2 Kawasaki on their site (heres a link). My head spun with ideas of cafe racer type H2 projects, and I cursed myself for not buying the 500$ H2 500cc by dads buddy had for sale. Damn me, and damn this persistent lack of pieces of paper graced with Ben Franklins chubby face. I digress though - Kaminari is Kamaradical... check em' out. Hopefully (cross my fingers) Mr. Kazuki responds to my request for a short interview that I can post up on this blog! Until then... keep smokin' and check these hep cats out.

RS125R (Or, big fun on little bike)

I really want a RS125. Let me tell you why this thing is the ultimate learning tool/track funtime party vehicle.

1. It can only be ridden on a track - where you can learn - with ambulences near by, no trees around, and no drunken, texting, burger munching drivers to destroy you.

2. The thing weighs a scant 158 lbs dry. Lets put that in perspective... a new CBR 1000 RR is 388 lbs dry. Thats a lot more. Add a fat turd of a rider, and gas and your talking nearly 600+ lbs. Ha, I say!

3. The RS125R from HRC includes mucho spare parts - i.e. pistons, clutch components, seals, bearings, and much more. Seems like its enough for at least a couple seasons. Ive never raced one though, so I cant say.

4. It looks GP-alisious.

From what I have heard the gearing on these bikes is very important to success in racing venues. There is a list of suggested setups here. Also, rider position has huge effects on the bikes behavior in a turn. I would really like to learn how one of these feels on a real track. If only I was a trust fund baby, I would race my days away on one of these, to a happier place, filled with that blue dream-mist of joy.

Since HRC USA doesnt like me - here are the specs!

Model name: RS125R
Type: JR01
Total length × width × total height: 1,800mm (70.9")×570mm (22.4")×995mm (39")
Wheel base: 1,215mm (47.8")
Road clearance: 110mm (4.3")
Seat height: 700mm (27.6")
Caster: 23°30'
Weight: 71.5kg (semi-dry) (158 lb)
Engine Type: Water cooled two cycle one cylinder
Total cubic displacement: 124cm3
Bore × stroke: 54mm×54.5mm
Max Output: 32.3kw/12,250rpm 44ps/12,250rpm (43.4 hp)
Max Torque: 24.5Nm/12,250rpm 2.5kgf ･ m/12,250rpm (18 ft lbs)
Carburetor type: PJ38 (TH sensor & Pwj you attach)
Ignition system: Digital CDI
Transmission: 6 speeds
Clutch: Wet multiple plate
Fuel tank: 14 liters (3.7 Gallons)
Lube capacity: 0.5 liters (.53 qt)
Frame type: Aluminum twin tube
Brake Front: φ 296mm single disk • Rear:φ 186mm single disk
Rim size: Front 2.50-17inch • Rear 3.50-17inch
Suspension Front: Inverted type telescopic • Rear: Swing arm system

My olde RZ

OK, this isnt my RZ. Its someone else's totally rad RZ, with a Spec II fairing. Doesn't it look cool? Mine had lots of safety wire, spray paint, and a cracked fairing. You guessed it - the poor bugger was a race bike. A used and abused slag, ridden hard and put away... well maybe not wet, but tired and abused. I had purchased it from a righteous dude for $1,000. Apparently, he couldn't get it to "rev up". Being a mechanically inclined individual I decided to take a peek. What I found was the most horrible terror of all possible repairs, one that sent me reeling into a state of panic, the throttle cable had come loose from the carbs. I laughed, grabbed my tools and tightened it down. Kicked her over and spun up to 10k on my favorite twisty road - albeit on a totally non-road legal/worthy bike. Still, it was a happy day. If its one thing a dutchman loves its a deal.

In the beginning there was smoke. Lots, and lots of smoke. From the blueish caustic haze emerged a frightening beast - which would drive brave souls toward great peril and great deeds. Through the skillful and mad-capped minds of Joseph Day, Frederick Cock and Dugald Clark we are left to wrestle with this monstrous creation of Oppenheimer-esq proportions. Those who do this willingly, for money are brave mercenaries of the motorbike world. The rest, are either mad, addicted or tainted by the evil power that lurks within these befoulments of the modern world.

I had a RZ 350. It was enough to frighten me to the point of wishing I had brought some diapers along for the ride. It was also enough to thoroughly impress me, and infuse in my blood a love for all things stinking, dangerous and loud. Friends, I am here to share that love and draw attention and appreciation to these hellaciously polluting god-forsaken bikes, which I adore so much. Sadly - these are going the way of Milli Vanilli, quickly spiraling into oblivion and being hatefully debased on every front. Lets show some two-stroke love.

Look forward to some 2-stroke and gp related posts. I realize thats terribly vague - but just stay tuned, you wont be too sad.